repulsion

2010/09/19

“

the slime of all my yesterdays
rots in the hollow of my skull

and if my stomach would contract
because of some explicable phenomenon
such as pregnancy or constipation

I would not remember you

or that because of sleep
infrequent as a moon of greencheese
that because of food
nourishing as violet leaves
that because of these

and in a few fatal yards of grass
in a few spaces of sky and treetops

a future was lost yesterday
as easily and irretrievably
as a tennis ball at twilight

— sylvia plath, april 18

2010/09/19

i mean, really. i could’ve been wild and i could’ve been free but nature played this trick on me

2010/09/19

i wish i could keep a diary, or a journal or personal record of some sort. i think lovely inspiring excellent things, and terrible heartbreaking destructive things, and then lose them all in the throes of my mind, which is usually all wound up and worrying. i worry so much that i can’t see past myself most of the time. i would rather be a babbling fool than think of things to the extent that i do. i can’t, can’t, can’t shut it off, the worst thing in the world. my mind has a mind of its own, i mean, it isn’t mine at all… i guess this could be a “personal outlet” trite as it is, god that’s bad. i’m in search of a place to store things away so that i don’t need to think about them anymore…

2010/09/19

2010/09/06